Often, we need to take a break from travelling the external pathways of life and focus our energy internally.
We then need to direct our reflective practice and formulated ideas and communicate that outwards to those who need to hear it, as opposed to a broader audience that won't understand. Which is exactly what I found myself doing last week. I spoke my truth to those who needed it, I thanked those who needed to hear it and I let go of the concept of needing to control the outcomes of all things. A wise friend offered some sage advice “sit in that uncomfortable space between no longer and not quite”.
Something we all get good at doing is avoiding that space. Scrambling to keep away from the murky unknown touching us, when effectively we should be sitting and letting it settle over us. I thought that I had mastered the art, however, I found myself avoiding things to my detriment so this weeks spirit travels found me firmly ensconced in mud.. literally and figuratively.
I thought that by choosing a different path I would magically skip forward to that place of peace we all crave. It turns out, sometimes a random new path you make up as you go is not conducive to finding a sense of serenity any quicker. You might get there in the end, but it may have been quicker to just feel all the things in the first place.
Although, we do have interesting travels and one of the lessons learned was stop, takes some breaths, look around and assess the situation. Examine the secure attachments you now have as to who you know you can reach out to for help. Because you know you are capable of sorting it out, but it is okay to ask for help - we don't always need to be strong and independent and it gets really exhausting being your own hero all the time.
You might discover you actually don’t have the same fears you did last time you were in a similar situation. You might take time to acknowledge how much you’ve learnt and adapted and can defend yourself better.
You might have learnt it's also okay to be vulnerable with some people. It's okay to be unfiltered, to be unglamorous, to just be ourselves but when we are stuck in certain situations, we also discover our resilience. We discover the things we forgot we knew and we take a closer look at what we're carrying that we probably don't need to anymore. Whether it's a backpack full of useless items or past trauma that no longer has power over you, or even a sense of responsibility for someone else's emotional load.
You might have learnt to condense it to the things we do need, the small things, the most basic essential items, that way when we're travelling our load isn't as heavy and we don't get as stuck.
Another thing about rushing through our internal growth processes and reflective practices, is that we think we need to travel a certain path to uncover mysteries and it turns out that path is buried or flooded or locked away for a reason.
It no longer serves us, it's locked away in a part of our brains or apart of a deeper protective layer in our hypothalamus that we don't need to access because it doesn't benefit who we are now.
Sometimes, if we try to continue down that path, we become very enmeshed and obsessed with every single detail and we will end up being pulled into a dark hole and that is just a few steps away from oblivion. So ,we go backwards carefully, sometimes we have to go backwards to go forwards and by going backwards, with a bit of help, we can actually rewind ,reset and start off again on a different path that we perhaps didn't realise was there, that someone else has helped uncover for us.
And we enjoy that road because often the journey is just as beautiful and fulfilling as a destination when you take your time and admire the view.
It's like walking down a spiral staircase, beautiful and intricate as a whole and perfectly curved and detailed, with just a lamp. We don't see the whole staircase, we just see the next few steps and it's so imperative to focus on where the light shines as we carefully take those steps.
If we think too far behind us or too far ahead of us, that's when accidents happen. That's when we stumble, that's when we fall, that's when we get hurt and that's when we have to stop our journeys for a little while. When we fall down it makes it easier knowing you have people you can trust around you to help pick you up, someone you can call when you do fall down to help get you back in the right direction.
Inner Transformation is also better represented like a caterpillar. When we are full of the things required to help us grow, we stop, we sit with it and rest. We follow the process of absorbing, we are at full capacity and we need to sit with it, we need to let it process, we need to absorb all of the things. We cannot take anymore for the moment so we stay in that space where we are wrapped, buried and safe. Where we can let those things come to pass and come to play to help our transformation.